Oh, Outback Steakhouse. You are so, so stupid.
A lot of restaurant chains offer “all you can eat” deals at various times of the year. For instance, Olive Garden has its “never-ending pasta bowl” promotion towards the end of summer and beginning of fall. Red Lobster has “endless shrimp” around the same time. These make sense; Italian restaurants should be pretty good at pasta, and seafood places deal with shrimp every day.
But for some reason, Outback has gotten into the game with its “steak and unlimited shrimp” deal. Outback is known for its meat offerings; sure, they sell shrimp, but it’s not their forte.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here before, but shrimp may be my favorite food. Like, I think eating contests get pretty gross pretty quickly, but if it was a grilled shrimp-eating contest, I could definitely hold my own for a while. Unless a cold piece got in there, in which case, I’m out. It could be the World Series of Shrimp, and I could be lapping the field, but it wouldn’t matter. Just the thought of cold shrimp grosses me out.
“Look at him go! He’s moving like a tremendous machine! He’s just devouring the – what? He’s walking away! He’s done! It’s over!”
The problem with shrimp is that it’s expensive. So when someone wants to offer me a bucketload of shrimp, in multiple flavors, for a flat fee? Cancel my plans for the evening.
Poor Outback never saw it coming. They have buffalo shrimp and scampi (which is essentially garlic butter sauce) to go with the plain fried variety. I ordered the smallest steak, a cup of soup as my side, and went to town. The buffalo was good; it’s a flavor that I enjoy, but also find kind of intense, so I started with some of that before moving to the easier-to-crush-pounds-upon-pounds-of-it scampi. I’m pretty sure I bankrupted the local franchise.
Okay, that’s not true, but seriously. Don’t let me near anything offering unlimited shrimp. I am not responsible for the damage wrought.