Tag Archives: nonsense post

So Fresh and So Clean

I just saw a commercial for “Mr. Clean” that shows Mr. Clean at various points throughout his life.  You can click here to watch it.

I have some thoughts, because of course I do.

First of all, call me old-fashioned, or crazy, or both, but seeing animated characters mixed in with real live people still weirds me out a little bit.  Just a little, but enough that after a few minutes I’m like, “okay, can we…not?”

(“But Roger Rabbit!” you say.  I guess.  But that’s clearly a cartoon.  I’m talking these really lifelike, “hey wait a minute, is that dude real?  Yeah, that’s definitely a real – oh wait, what?!?”-type animated characters.)

Second of all, Mr. Clean clearly has a medical condition; he hasn’t had a single hair on his head for his entire life, and the eyebrows he does have have always been white.  So we’ve turned a guy who is both an albino and has alopecia into a symbol for cleanliness.  Did he have a choice in this?  Look at that little boy cleaning his window; did he pick that up because he loved the view, or because all the other kids made fun of him so he spent a lot of time in his room?

Seeing that commercial, I feel bad for Mr. Clean.  Not bad enough to buy his products, but still.  Poor guy.

(Look, it’s late.  These are the things that come to mind and then don’t leave for a really long time.)

A Whiter Shade of Pale

It’s the middle of July – actually, it’s past the middle of July – and I don’t have much of a suntan yet.  All I’ve got is this really noticeable farmer’s tan sort of thing on my arms, and it’s kind of alarming.

I don’t spend a ton of time outside, but when I do, it’s generally for extended periods.  Okay, it’s usuallyfor four or five hours at a time on a golf course.  But I’ve only played six or seven times this season (last year I think I played just about every weekend, and sometimes during the week as well), and because it’s been so hot and sunny, I’ve made sure to use sunscreen.

I mean, I’m not complaining about being safe or anything, but at the same time, I noticed when I came in from playing golf today that there is a line of demarcation just above my elbows, where the cuff of my golf shirts fall.  And the tan that I do have on my forearms is only on the top; has anyone ever gotten a tan on their underarms?  Anyone?  Anywhere?  Ever?

I spent a weekend in a beach town, but thanks to a miscommunication and my back being sore, I never made it to the actual beach.  Then the grill didn’t work, so I wasn’t outside cooking at all, either.  I don’t generally do a ton of beach time, but come on.  This is ridiculous.

Before you think I’m being stupid (although I am), keep in mind how you react when you see a really pale guy in the middle of the summer.  It doesn’t make sense, does it?  No, it doesn’t.

So, a month into summer, I am committing to getting some sort of tan before the fall arrives.  Or, at the very least, to maybe wearing a sleeveless shirt and sitting by someone’s pool for a few hours.  Whatever it takes, man.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Most of the television I watch is sports-based.  It’s either a game, or a post-game show, or something along the lines of SportsCenter.  The rest of it tends to happen late at night, be it late-night talk shows or on-demand viewing of primetime series.

When the TV is on late at night, you see a lot of infomercials.  A lot.  And it seems like they’re all about the same two things: food preparation and working out.  In some ways, those two are kind of opposites, but hey, whatever works.

Which actually begs the question: does this kind of advertising work?  And is the time of day that these programs (that always begin with “the following is a pre-paid advertisement for _____” as if there people that might actually think this is just a P90X-themed episode of the Montel Williams show) air relevant to their target demographic?

When we have the TV on at work, we sometimes run into infomercials for “P90X,” “Insanity,” “CrossFit,” and other workout programs/fads.  The ads are a half-hour long, except there’s just like eight minutes of content that repeats three times.  Once, I swear I saw an infomercial that actually had a commercial break.

I think it makes sense to air these during the day, because people who see them at those hours are probably watching television because they’re not doing anything else.  What better way to fill that time than by popping in a DVD, having some jacked-up dude scream at you through the television, and get in better shape in the process?

But seeing one at 2:00 in the morning…I just feel like the “I’m going to buy this workout DVD set” people and the “I’m awake at 2:00 in the morning” people are two very divergent groups.  I wouldn’t imagine there’s a lot of crossover.

As for the food processors, I mean…isn’t that the classic infomercial right there?  Isn’t that why we know who Ron Popeil is?  Those are the ones you should be seeing in the middle of the night, because I know the “I’m awake at 2:00 in the morning” crowd is totally intrigued by how that funky new blender works.

Alas, fitness commercials seem to rule the day – er, night.  Using the medium that got people out of shape to try and convince them to get back into shape seems noble, but in truth, I think it’s just a waste of time and money.

Unlike that six-chicken rotisserie I saw the other night…man, next Fourth of July is going to awesome!

(Yes, you just read 400 words about infomercials.  Dog days of summer, indeed.)