Tonight is the last night of the season for both of my bowling leagues. For one of them, it’s the night everyone gets their payout money from the league treasurer (me). In the other, it’s the last night I’ll be a part of the league.
Without going into too much…or any…detail, last summer I knew I was going to drop one of my three bowling leagues. I just didn’t have the passion for it anymore. I decided to drop the Friday night league and keep both Thursday leagues. Leaving the late league was never an option; as I’ve mentioned, I’m the treasurer of the league, I’ve been a part of it in some way shape or form for over a decade, and I love those guys like brothers.
The early league, not so much. There’s just something about it that’s…different. I can’t put my finger on it, it just is.
About a month into the season I felt like I had made the wrong choice. Something about our team dynamic was off, plus my frustration with the league being poorly run (in my eyes, at least; while I know I’m not the only one who feels that way, I know that most of the guys flat-out don’t care) reached its apex. For most of the year, I kind of felt that it was going to be my last go-round. Besides, I didn’t just not like the league anymore; I didn’t like bowling itself anymore. It’s really hard to get yourself into the game when, despite being competitive and trying your best, you just don’t care.
A couple weeks ago, one guy told us he was going to leave the team. I won’t point fingers, because we all share the blame, but he’s been a big part of the team’s chemistry drying up. At the same time, another one of our guys wasn’t planning on coming back, and two of us were on the fence. Instead of trying to find one or two new bowlers, it just seemed like the right time to end it.
Four of the five of us were together for seven years. We came close a couple times, but never won a championship. We had some good times, but things run their course, and this is no different. I could see the cracks forming as far back as last year. More than anything, I feel relieved; the way it went down allowed me to leave a situation that I didn’t want to be a part of, but felt too loyal and obligated to extract myself from.
Despite this being our last night “together,” nothing’s any different. Everyone’s doing what they normally do during league night, and for us the last few months, it’s mostly been just waiting for it to be over. I don’t know why I expected anything to be different; if it was different, if it had been different the last two years, then we probably wouldn’t be in this spot.
Looking back, I know that we could have saved it. The fact that we didn’t tells me that we simply didn’t want to.
And that’s the part that stings.
A Revolution From My Bed 